Failure

Well guess what! Turns out I failed completely at this blog. Surprisingly I put things like school and my kids first. The moving really took so much time there was little left for anything else. In fact I still have boxes to be unpacked. 


So lets see whats going on now. I still am working crazy hard at school and work and being a mom. I am working a new schedule at work that allows me to be at home every morning with my kids which is amazing. It also means I get home about 11:30 and in bed about midnight to be up at 7:30 or so for the kids. I am trying to fit P90X into my life as well in order to get my body back in shape after baby number three. So really I kind of am even more busy then before if possible. I changed it to see my kids more though and that is what matters to me. 


I am currently in the process of filling out all of my applications for nursing school, being two different local ones. This whole process scares the living crap out of me. Everything I have sacrificed, every moment I spent in class and studying all comes down to this. If I do not get into nursing school then I'm scared. How do I justify it all? What can I do next? I can't keep floating waiting to get in. I have three kids to think about. I just have no control anymore after I send those applications away, I'm giving all the control up, and I have to be in control. I've giving my future to some group of people to decide if my time and money taken from my family was good enough. SCARY! I get very stressed out about these thoughts and eventually stop filling out the applications and move on. I have till Feb 15th to send them in. Which really means I have till Feb 13th cause that is Friday. Breathing and support needed. I just have to buck and believe that everything that is supposed to happen will, and whatever happens is for the best. I just have to give up my nice control of everything... just. If only it was so easy.

Life in the Fast Lane

Well here I am, sitting on my couch, surrounded with things to do; and I'm starting a blog. I'm in the midsts of moving and I decide now is a good time to start a blog. I guess I've figured out by now that there is never a good time for anything, so why not now. 


So I guess here is the break down, I named this Mother Cubed because that is what I am, a mother of three. A mother of three boys! They are loud, messy, ruin everything, drive me crazy, and the best things that ever happened to me. None have been planned, none came at a great time, but they all are amazing and the reason I do everything I do now. I run myself to the bone and never have time for anything as I am either at home cleaning and being mom, at school in class working towards becoming a nurse, or at work as a CNA. I am very busy. Everyone looks at me with wide eyes and mouths open when I tell them I am a working mom that is also going to school. My house is not perfect, my hair and make-up is not always done, and I don't get a shower as often as I would like. None of it matters. What matters is my boys are happy, they have food, they have a home, and they have clothes. The thing that scares me about my schedule and life is when my kids are older are they going to understand why mom was always studying? Why she was at work every weekend? Will they understand that it was all for them, and I didn't tell them I needed to be left to study because I wanted them away but because I only wanted the best for them? 


Someday I hope that when I'm done with all the school they will look at me and say it. Say mommy, I know you sacrificed a lot for me. You gave up your free time to study, and your fancy clothes for mine, and your favorite nights out so you could watch cartoons with me. Thank you for that.